October 29, 1992

I grew up without my father around and it was never a big deal. The man I was closest to growing up was my grandpa Hal. I remember one day when I was graduating High School he made a comment about not knowing if he would go to any of his other grandchildren's graduation. I brushed it off not beleiving a word of it and not wanting to imagine a world without him. He was only 70 and surely he'd be around 10 more years for my 2nd oldest cousin to graduate - his mother lived into her 90's. He was healthy and only vice was chewing cigars (a habit I found SOOO gross!). Less than 2 year later he died after a 2 month battle with cancer.

He died on October 29 and his funeral was on Halloween. I am the oldest grandchild by 10 years and that Halloween was so surreal to me. I was 19 which meant my oldest cousin was 9 and then there were 6 others all younger than him. While I cried they played. While my family mourned, they went Trick or Treating. Now, as the mother of children who are the age my cousins were I understand the need for normalcy, but back then it was odd.
I remember the cold day at the cemetary in Illinois and how poingant the service was on Halloween. While it seemed creepy, it also seemed fitting.

This is honestly one of the hardest days of the year. Things have gotten better, but this date is etched in my mind forever. My grandfather is the closest relative I have ever had pass away. (well, except my father, but since I had virtually no relationship with him, it's hard to say he was a close relative). I loved my grandfather so much and I wish and hope he can see all that has happened since he left 16 years ago. I am married and have 2 wonderful children - his great grand children. My cousins are all almost our of high school, and some out of college.

I have such a small family and sadly virtually no contact with my extended family. I don't have any siblings (and neither does my husband, so no aunts, uncles or cousins for my kids - is that weird or what?!) so I have my mom and my inlaws and of course my grandfathers wife, my wonderful grandmother. That's it. Sometimes I wonder what my grandfather would think of the fact that our family has lost so much contact with each other. The last time we were all truly together was at his funeral. Perhaps his death meant the loss of a lot more than just him.